Random Thoughts from the Oblivion

I was second year college student then, when my professor in humanities gave our block an essay assignment which will be passed the next month. In the said essay, we have to share our experience/s when we say "Hi!" to strangers. That's fucking sick! ME? Talking to a stranger??!! If taking that assignment for granted won't do any harm to my grades I'd have left it rotten in my bag. But I am fully aware that it is a huge part of my grade. 

So I, of course, unwillingly proceed to the hunt. I only have Renier and Verge as my buddy that time. And I know that staying as a group won't do us any good. So, I tried some stupid things. Like sitting on the stairs of the main building, and start saying hi and always I get the same reaction : " Humanities? Para kay Sir Mercado yan no?". It's pathetic. My first time trying to talk to a stranger and I look like a fool. 

So I've realized that the school is not a good place to find that magical experience. One, most of the students knows what exactly I'm doing it for. And second, I might see that face again and that assignment will oblige me to say hi to those people until I graduate *that sucks!*. 

On my way home, I saw an old man (one who looks pretty nice and kind) on the jeepney and I said, "Hi! Kamusta?". " Ikaw ba? bayad ka na? Saan ka nagaaral?",he said. And I was shocked! (Wow! Does grandpa has the same assignment like I do? haha). I softly answered, " Sa PUP po dyan sa bicutan. Opo, bayad na po ako". "Aba matalino ka palang bata,galingan mo ha,para makatulong ka sa magulang mo kapag nakatapos ka.",he said. " Hindi naman po.Wala lang talagang pangenroll sa mahal". And we talked until he went down somewhere in Signal. That actually felt good. Not only did I talk to a complete stranger, he even gave me some useful advice like staying positive even when negative vibe's around. 

We all expect that people who will receive our out-of-the-blue-greetings will be shocked but in my experience, it's the other way around. 

I can still remember his face until now. Not only because I get an A+ on that essay but he made me think we all start as strangers to one another yet we're not that comfortable to talk to new strangers. Or is just me? Basta! Everytime I remember that I giggle.

My stand about the RH Bill

Whenever I see posts on Facebook about how a friend despise the Reproductive Health (RH) Bill I simply smile and restrain myself on commenting on that status. I mean we all have the privilege to post whatever we want so I spare him. So instead, I will enumerate some of the key points of most of that dude’s status and give my opinion on it.

1. 1.       It is anti-life.

-          We all know that family planning and contraceptives are major parts of this bill. People might misunderstood that by using such, we tend to kill the unborn. That’s a major misconception. We are not “killing” the unborn simply because there is no baby to kill yet. You know what’s killing? It’s when a baby’s brought into this world knowing that we cannot provide him with a proper attention, values, health, and education. With proper family planning, we tend to give life to a baby who is expected, and thus supplied with sufficient need. I saw a kid one morning who is wearing nothing but dirt and sweat, walking with his bare feet, belly-blotted, while holding chicha. I thought to myself, “What a healthy breakfast that is! Should your parents be more educated on having a family, siguro you’re gonna love life even more”. What I’m saying is, RH Bill is never an anti-life,it is more of a pro-superior-life.

1. 2.       Since contraceptives are readily available, women will be used as toys.

-          Another highlight of the RH Bill is for local hospitals to have a supply of contraceptives for public which they say will be a start of an era where women will be treated as sex toys. Actually, the first time this sunk in, my first reaction was: Duh! Face it! People will do sex whether contraceptives are available or not! It’s a matter of doing it safe or otherwise! Part of being educated to RH not solely includes sexual rights but others as well, such as rights of women and infants, men’s obligation toward a healthy family, to name a few. People, this bill will EDUCATE us not HERMAPHRODITICALLY SUPPORT us.

1. 3.       People who support MUST be excommunicated.

-          Anti-RH wants to excommunicate our President for supporting the said bill so please, with all my heart, excommunicate me too! I think being the only Catholic country in Asia is cool when I was like ten. But as I aged, I think that is a downturn. Don’t get me wrong, the church is a well-respected institution but them being so dominant over our state is quite a pain. I think the church’s point on this is quite out-dated and unrealistic. This bill targets the State’s development even though we won’t feel it for another decade. But still, we have to start NOW. All I want is a full, applicable, comprehensive and obvious sense of the phrase, “Separation of Church and State”.

1. 4.       I want to have three kids but having so will be punishable by law.

-          I guess he does not read the full text of the bill yet. See? That’s why we have to be educated! And yes I’m talking about the contents of the bill and not the bill itself yet. The bill ENCOURAGES us to have a two-child family. That number is not a lucky guess, it is backed by statistics, that it is ideal for a family to have two kids. Again, the Bill ENCOURAGES us and not ORDERS us to have two kids! Opposing the said ENCOURAGEMENT does not have any penalty clause or something. Lesson learned, read and know first! Personally, I want to have two boys and a girl as my well-planned family.

1. 5.       It is a preface to the legality of abortion.

-          Based on the thread of one particular status, he said, “Once that law’s enacted, the next thing we have to expect is the legality of abortion. Putting a crime to legality!” Once again, he failed to understand the bill. The RH Bill does not/will not support abortion. Although one of the provisions of the bill is to attend to a woman’s post-abortion problems, but it does not mean that it supports the abortion, the provision is there for the protection of woman’s life. It’s not like once a woman’s guilty of abortion and upon being so, we have to take her for granted right? This bill is realistically open to the fact that we cannot STOP abortionist on doing their crime, but we will help their victims openhandedly. Contraceptives prevent unwanted pregnancy,needless to say,prevents abortion as well. Again, this bill does not by any means a start of the legality of abortion.

To sum it all up, YES! (For some obvious reasons)  I’m a proud purple warrior :)

About me?

As what the title suggests, this is from my friendster account...
a comment that was made by my good friend anna,
with my best bud jared as the interviewee...



- He loves Mary Margaret Corpuz (period.)
- He never ties his shoelaces that is why he always buy these shoes that don't have laces.
- He is so darn lazy.
- Since he is lazy, when he is texting you in a 100% lowercase, it means you mean a lot to him. (wanna know the relevance of the word "lazy"?Well, for him, it is a huge effort to hit the pound sign when it automatically changes to sentence case, and only deserving peepz deserves that)
- He hates the smell of mayonnaise and fishballs
- He doesn't want to eat veggies and seafoods in general
- He is not afraid to die
- He loves babies.
- He's hygienic, he never leaves their house without an one-hour-worth of bath. He baths for at least twice a day.
- He has a good penmanship,everyone seems to admire that.
- He loves to watch movies with many fighting scenes.
- He used to be an insomniac.
- He loves music produced by artist such as urbandub, all american rejects, sponge cola, pupil, the corrs, jason mraz, katy perry, and the ting tings.
- When he is mad,he is noticeably silent. (applicable only to two people, me and the other one)
- He NEVER waits, 30 minutes is a monumentaly gigantic reason for him to ignore you for at least 3 days.
- He is so much in love with his three nieces: Martina Bianca, Pia Martha, and Andrea Mara.
- He wants to be a CPA- Lawyer
- Nobody might know, but he cries easily (he will kill me for this!). If you want to see his worst cry, try to pour a pitcher of mayonnaise onto  his head and you'll surely get a more satisfying results.
- He loves the number 4 and 23
- His birthday is the most important date in a calendar
- He loves the color blue, green, and me, oops red rather.
- He is an impulsive buyer
- He never accounts his own money (peculiar to an aspiring CPA)
- He hates drinking.(but I heard he's back...)
- He secretly wants to be a MTV Vj,
- Most of the his shirts came from bench.
- Most of his jokes take the form of "insult" and no one comes close when that is the subject matter.
- He doesnt smoke and will never smoke.
- He is sarcastic to the chosen few. They will surely know when they are on the list, like for example, "ewan ko sa'yo!"
- He hates the rain.
- He used to play basketball but stopped for a single reason.
- Everyone might notice that there is this wound in his forehead and it is because he fell into his feet when he was 4 years old.
- He has 9-12 moles in the body (beat that!)
- During childhood, he wants to be someone like gambit, (matter of fact his hair is inspired by the said character)
- He is like a psych, he judges people in just one look and his comments are 90% accurate.
- He has this limitless sense of smell.Like for example, if your sandwich has mayonnaise, you don't need to inform him 'cause he already know about that eventhough you're miles away.
- He doesn't want to feel pressured about doing something.
- He wants Syberian Husky as a pet,but there are reasons why he's not buying one yet.
- He is not at ease when he doesn't have a bag with him. There, you will find a wallet, a pen, a notebook, an umbrella, a calculator,cell phone and headset, and id.
- Even the most special person in his life, cannot demand him to travel far places alone because he will surely ignore that demand.
- He needs coffee whe he is still awake 10 o'clock last night.
- He always sets his speaker/headset in its loudest.
- He is physically flexible,
- He is a person with high standards.
- He wants to own a real samurai sword.
- He is in complete denial that he is not angry/mad where in fact he is.
- When he is angry with no reason at all, it means he is doubting about your relationship. and trust me, the proper counter attack for this,is for you to get angry to him.
- He never converse with a stranger.
- He doesn't know how to start a conversation when he is talking to a person older than him.
- When he moves his hand in an untraditional kind of way, it means he is thinking and pays only 10% of his attention in to whatever you're saying.


- This was first publish couple of years back and some might not be that applicable anymore :)

What's wrong with this month? ( Self-Repost )

I'm trying for like two hours now how to properly find words that completely define what had happened to me this month. Looking back is both horrifying and astonishing at the same time. First, I never expect things to get that worst and I ended up crying out my disappointment,regrets,self-pity and the should-haves'. Second, when I look back in all of that, I was like, "hey! I'm stronger than I thought".

It was last week of September or early October when my mother started complaining about pain from some parts of her body. We all thought a paracetamol or any other self-medication could solve it, but weeks after, she's relatively weak and pale. The worst part is, I couldn't attend to her that often since my board exam is like two to three weeks away. My break timein review was helping my siblings and my brother-in-law on taking care of her. She shouted names that were not there and said things like she's in pain which is extremely excruciating to hear.

I decided to go to my sister's place to review and prepare for the pre-week lecture. And I cried every night because I couldn't help my mother. I prayed to God to give me even half of the pain that my mother was feeling because I would bear it for her

First set of exams is generally okay. I got home full of optimism from the exam and then I saw my mother . She wasn't  looking good so I called my sister in Manila for support which was given also that day. The next day (monday), I went back to Manila for the same routine with my mother on my mind.

But let me clear things out first,

I don't want my failure and incompetence on plunking the board exam be blamed on my mother, as a matter of fact she inspired me to do better. 

I called Ate Lon to ask about our mother's condition and the conversation went like this,

Jeph: Hello ate kamusta si nanay?

Ate Lon: Eto natutulog, kumakain kami eh.

Jeph: Sino pa gising?

Ate Lon: Si pawpaw

Jeph: Pakausap

Pawpaw: Hello?

Jeph: Hello paw ano kinakain mo?

Pawpaw: Chicken Jollibee

Jeph: Alagaan mo si nanay ha,si nanay?

*silence*

Ate Lon: Ayaw na daw niya

Jeph: Ah o sige, sunday na ang uwi ko ha

Ate Lon: Sige

Jeph: Bye.

Here's what really happened,

That very day my mother was confined and is in ER as we spoke then. They try to hide it from me .They knew I will get distracted and all. Pawpaw never lied so she had better give it to her mommy before she can do so. She is my four-year old niece and I appreciate her effort on that one.

So the second set of exams came, I was confident on the last subject but I have to admit it was not easy answering those questions and I exhaust every minute available.

After the exam, my friend, Fat, and I went to our Review Center to meet Evelyn, Tricia and Mariella. We went to St. Clare and I offered eggs for the speedy recovery of my mother. They planned to go to St. Jude but for some reason I didn't want to go and I want to go home.

I arrived in Manila later in the afternoon and saw faces looking at me in a whimsical kind of way. I went upstairs and saw Ate Ching and she told me this, "Wala na daw si nanay. Tayo na lang ang hinihintay". I wanted to burst into tears but I chose to remain strong because I have to for myself and for my ate. There were so many thoughts playing in my head and tears couldnt escape my eyes which was excruciating and awful. Ate Ching, herhousekeeper and I took a cab and in there where my tears fell like endless while trying to be silent for my sister not to hear my cry.

We finally arrived at the hospital and saw nanay lying in a bed. It made me feel like fainting but once again I try to show strength to every person there. " Nay, nandito na ko pati si ate ching. Kamusta ka na? Palakas ka ha para makauwi na tayo" and she nodded. Ate Ching insisted that I should go home to have some rest and I whispered this to my mother, "Nay, pagaling ka ha...ipagdadamot muna kita kasi magiging CPA pa ko bukas".

I went home and barely had a sleep or a nap. The next day,when I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Pawpaw's face leaning towards mine and she said, "Bakit ka natutulog gusto mo bang ipaalala sayo kung nasaan si nanay?". So I get dressed up and texted Mariella and Tricia to text me the result since I don't have the luxury to face a computeranymore. I was giving my mother a massage when she was saying something i didn't understand and i could feel she was in pain. Then I received the message from Mariella that my name is not in the list of board passers. Right then and there, it felt like I stop being lucid. I want to cry again but I shouldn't because my mother might see and it is not good for her. All I did were to stomp my feet and make faces. And I prayed for strength and sanity. I am a believer of God more than ever. My faith on His plan is the only thing that's keeping me sane.

God is good because He lets me stay with her for one week. During this time, I appreciate my siblings-in-law among other relatives other than my siblings.

I asked quite a number of people for blood donations and Gelo and Maria are the first ones to say yes.

On the 22nd, Gelo came to the hospital for the donation. While waiting for Gelo, I saw my mother at her strongest, quite a recovery which I always been  praying for days. But the downside of this recovery is, I get to understand what she was trying to say. I am sure that I heard this, " Ayaw ko na parang awa niyo na ".

For a son, that is the saddest thing that his mother could ever say. At first, my prayers were for her to recover but when I heard that, I prayed, "Lord doon po tayo sa less hirap para kay nanay. Mahal ko po siya". If only I can absorb all the pain I will. I promise not to share this on my siblings. From that, my mind raises so many questions,like

" Why didn't I get my license? I need it right now and I want to show it to her"

" Why were I given a chance to take the board if I will plunk it? I should have taken care of my mother instead"

"  Why weren't I given time to serve my mother"

"  Is earning to give my mother a decent life that hard to ask?"

Up to now, I still don't have the answers but I'm still praying to get them one of these days.

When I got home, I received a call from my brother-in law, Marvin, asking my decision on giving nanay a ventilator which surprised me because I saw her recovery.

Saturday morning I went to the hospital and I was shocked when I saw apparatus standing beside her. My brother, Eric, told me that he made a decision to bring nanay home because that is what her doctor prefer because staying in the hospital is expensive which we can't handle anymore and she needs to undergo more tests. I want to cry but then again I didn't get what I want. And another question in my mind went out,

" If I got my license on time (which is two years overdue) will we have a financial problem like this?"

" Will my money give me more time to have her?"

These questions are answered by my prayers and thank you Lord for the answers.

And the ambulance came.For the last time I talked to her and told her, "Nay hindi na kita ipagdadamot alam kong nahihirapan ka na. Mahal na mahal kita nay".

I saw my brother's face like he's starting to cry. Good thing tbb was there and I cried on Grace's shoulder and everyone else gave me a hug. My brother decided that I should go with tbb while he and Marvin will get in the ambulance.

Tbb went and stayed in the chapel. They gave me time to cry which I wanted to do for weeksna. It was minutes after six when I called my Auntie's phone to ask if the oxygen and other stuffs are prepared and she told me this, " Oh wala na, hindi na kumuha ang ate mo. Oh wag kang iiyak dyan!" and I secretly cried over the MRT Station without tbb noticing it.

We were almost in Bicutan when I got a call from Ate Ching and she told me to meet her at our house in Taguig. I told Evelyn that Ate Ching seldom visits our house in Taguig and I think there is a problem. Adrian, Efraim and Evelyn decided to come with me. The first thing I saw was a group of people sitting outside the house and all the lights were open. I saw my mother on the bed and for a second I thought she was just sleeping until my cousin, Ate Wie, told me that she's gone. With weeks of practice, I remained strong in appearance and gave my mother a kiss in the forehead. Mahal na mahal kita nay.

And then I forced myself to be rational. I realized that my family needs me and we must stay together.

Up to now, memories are haunting. It makes me realize that I don't have my mother anymore :(